Brother Mine
by Aeli Kindara
Summary: Ever since Sirius was Sorted into Gryffindor, Regulus has been incapable of writing him a proper letter. His unsent letters to his older brother, though, became a release to him, and he poured his soul into the brother he would never have again. HBP Spoil
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Regulus, Sirius, and the rest of the Harry Potter universe belongs to JKR. I am not JKR.

**WARNING:** HBP Spoilers contained; minor this chapter, very major later on.

* * *

_Brother Mine —_

_You were sorted into Gryffindor?_

_Really?_

_. . . was that a joke?_

_Somehow, from Mother's reaction, I don't think it was._

_I think I should be more surprised than I am. But I'm not. Gryffindors are supposed to be brave, right? You've always been the brave one. You've always been my protector. Remember the time when I broke one of Mother's favorite china plates, and you said you'd done it? She blew up at you. You still have the scar along your cheek from one of the shards of china she hurled at you. And she just repaired it afterwards, anyway. I never understood why she got so angry. But you protected me. You always protected me._

_Still, you can be brave and be in Slytherin, right? Slytherin's tradition. We're Blacks, you know — we belong in Slytherin. I know you like being different, but — oh, I don't know._

_I can't help but feel a little bit like you've betrayed us. Betrayed me._

_This is a stupid letter. For one thing, I started with "brother mine" — how stupid can you get?_

_But I couldn't bring myself to write your name. Don't know why._

_I still can't._

_This is so stupid. I'm not going to send it. I'll just throw it in the fire and start over._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_Um, congratulations. On getting into Gryffindor._

_Oh, sod it, I can't do this._

_And I still can't write your name._

—_Regulus_

_ center --- /center _

He tries again and again, but he simply can't. He cannot write his brother's name.

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I've given up. I just can't do it. Write your name, that is._

_You betrayed me, know that? I loved you so much, and you went prancing off to Gryffindor. Wasn't our friendship worth anything? You're my brother. You can't walk away from me like that._

_I wonder what you'll think when you don't get any letter from me. That I'm angry at you, probably. Well, I think I am. But that's not why._

_I can't write your name._

_I can say it fine. That's different. But I can't write it._

_The fire sure is getting a lot of kindling tonight._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_Got your letter. All your new friends sound great._

_I hope you picked up on the sarcasm._

_Not that you'll ever get this letter. I've given up on that._

_But I kind of like writing them. I can get as mad at you as I want, or as sappy as I want, and you won't know._

_You didn't even say you missed me. You went on and on and on about James and Peter and Remus and how great they are and not one "miss you" or "love you" (although I can't say I expected that)._

_But I miss you. And I love you, too._

_Not to mention that I envy you and I need you and I'm starting just a little to hate you._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_Mother and Father got a letter from your Head of House today. It said that you and James Potter used an illegal hex to make some Bertram Aubrey guy's head swell to twice its normal size._

_You've only been at Hogwarts a month and a half, and you've already gotten caught using an illegal hex. You should be glad you've only got a double detention._

_Illegal. You realize that? You've only just turned twelve, and you've already been found using illegal magic. And just for fun._

_I don't understand you. Really, I don't._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I got your letter. About your birthday. (A few weeks after the fact, I might add.)_

_So glad to hear that birthdays at Hogwarts are so much better than the ones here. So glad to hear that your friends there appreciate you more than we ever did. So glad to know you'll find it perfectly easy to just drop me for those Gryffindors._

_Well, I don't care. You can do whatever you want. Next year, I'll come to Hogwarts, and find my own friends. In Slytherin. And I won't miss you._

_And I won't be sad when I throw this in the fire. Not this time._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I still do love you, you know._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I have to say, it's lonely here without you. You and Bella and Andie and Cissy all off at Hogwarts. But I miss you most._

_I'm not sure if I could write your name now. Maybe. But I've stopped trying._

_Only a little over a month until you're home for Christmas. I'm looking forward to it so much, but I'm also kind of scared. What if you don't want to hang out with me anymore? What if you'd rather be with your Gryffindor friends than us?_

_I half want to blow up at you, when you come. But I miss you too much._

_It's so boring here, with only Mother and occasionally Father. And the portraits. I spend all my time memorizing life histories of our ancestors and learning Latin poetry. And when Father's here, I have to recite everything I've learned since last time, and it's never enough. It was easier with you here, because you were always lazy and didn't do the lessons. And I was the better son. But now I'm the only one. I don't compare favorably with anyone._

_You always protected me. I never realized how much._

_But now you're gone, and you know what? I'm not relying on you anymore. From now on, I'm going to defend myself. I'm not going to let anyone be my protector anymore._

_You can't trust protectors._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I hate you. I hate you and I always will._

_I thought you were coming back to us, that I'd finally see you again. I thought just maybe we'd have Christmas like we used to. You'd be my brother again._

_Then, the morning of the day you'd be finally coming home, I walked down the stairs and found Mother standing in the hallway with a note in her hand, her lips all stiff and white like they get when she's really angry._

_She gave me the note. It said you were staying the holidays at the Potters._

_You didn't even ask. Just decided to go off to the Potters and forget about us._

_Well, I don't care._

_Not a bit._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_It's a really good thing you didn't come for Christmas. I'm quite glad you weren't here._

_I mean, if you had been, I wouldn't have spent so much time with Bella. She started teaching me magic, you know. Not just stupid stuff like Wingardium Leviosa. She's teaching me some really cool stuff, and letting me use her wand._

_I didn't miss you at all._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_It's been two months since I last wrote you._

_I've been working out of a text Bella gave me. Mother's letting me use her wand, and I'm getting quite advanced._

_I just wanted to say that I don't need you anymore._

— _Regulus_

---

_Brother Mine —_

_Heard that you went around all April 1st dressed up as a white sheep making obscene gestures at our cousins and the other Slytherins._

_I am not amused._

— _Regulus_

_P.S. Mother told me that she's sending a letter to you demanding that you come home over Easter._

_Doesn't matter to me. I'll be spending all my time with Bella anyway._

---

_Brother Mine —_

_I am so sorry. I am so, so, so, so sorry._

_I resolved to completely ignore you over the holidays. I stayed home when Mother went to get you from the station, reading in my room. She made you come greet me, which you did very resentfully. I barely acknowledged it, just nodded without looking up from my book._

_You and I hardly even saw each other over the course of the holidays, except at dinner a few times. Bella was over constantly to help me with my studies. I enjoyed my time with her. I loved ignoring you._

_Father was home for Easter supper. I noticed him looking at you angrily across the table, but I didn't care. I'd stopped myself from caring._

_After supper, Bella and I went into the library to work on my studies. After a few hours, she sent me up to bed and went to join the grown-ups' discussion._

_I was heading upstairs to my room when I heard a sound from your room. The door was ajar, so I went over and looked in._

_You were standing over at the window, leaning on the sill, staring out onto the street. You didn't have a shirt on, and it took me a moment to realize that the dark stuff on your back was blood._

_I took a step forward, and the floorboard creaked. You turned around, and sort of snarled at me when you saw who I was, and shoved me out and slammed the door in my face._

_So I'm sitting here right now in my room, writing this, and my nose is still smarting a bit where the door hit it, and I'm thinking about you and all the dark blood dripping off your back, and I think I might just be sick._

_I am so sorry. For everything._

_I guess I need to light a fire for this. You know. To burn it. Before Kreacher or someone finds it lying around._

—_Regulus_

* * *

**A/N:** Well, this is the first thing I've ever posted on FFN without having the rest of it already written, so wish me luck to finish it . . . I think I actually might, though. I have two pages of the next chapter written, as well as two pages of a far later chapter that I scribbled down when I first got the idea. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed; I know the beginning was rather weird, but I just needed to get the story into gear. Now that I've set it up, things should be a bit more fluid. In any case, please review? You know us writers, we're half-crazed and start foaming at the mouth at the word "review". makes puppy eyes 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** The world of Harry Potter is not mine. It belongs to JKR.

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Brother Mine —

I haven't been able to write in months. I'm sorry.

Ever since I saw you like that — beaten, bloody, but somehow still defiant — ever since that night, I haven't been able to write.

It was a few days later that you came into my room in the morning, while I was reading, and tried to make conversation with me. Tried to act like nothing had happened and you'd never gone to Hogwarts or anything. Of course, it didn't work.

First off, you apologized for slamming the door in my face.

This, of course, made me break into tears, saying, "I'm so sorry — I didn't know — oh, please believe me, I _didn't know_ — I mean, I was mad, but — I'm so sorry —"

And you just kind of stood there awkwardly until I got myself together. Then you sat down next to me on the bed. You apologized for being a prat in your letters and all, and said you had missed me really.

I said I hadn't even written.

You didn't really reply to that, just started talking about your Gryffindor friends and how they'd made you see how wrong our family really was, how the anti-Muggle prejudice was really bad.

I was shocked. I kept protesting, but you just forged ahead. Then, you looked earnestly at me, and said, "Reg, you do know they're Dark wizards, right?"

"They're what?" I asked, completely bypassing the use of the hated nickname.

"Dark wizards," you repeated. "They practice Dark magic. Our family."

"Dark magic?"

"You know. Bad magic. Magic that's harmful. It hurts people, and makes them do things they don't want to."

"Oh." I paused. "I've never seen our family do anything like that."

You scowled and changed the subject, asking what I was reading. I showed you the book.

You flipped through it, and your eyes widened. You said, "Regulus, you aren't _learning_ from this book, are you?"

"Well sure I am," I replied, confused.

Your mouth went tight and angry. "This is Dark magic, Regulus. The basics of Dark magic."

I just stared at you.

"Where'd you get this?" you asked, angry.

I told you Bella'd given it to me at Christmas and I'd been studying from it ever since.

"So you're one of _them,"_ you said stiffly.

"Who?" I asked.

"You know. _Them._ Our family."

"Well, of course. I'm a Black, aren't I? Like Mother and Father and you. And Bella and Andi and Cissy."

You just stared at me. "I thought you were better than that, Regulus." And then you left.

I still don't understand, not completely. I asked Bella, later on, whether she was teaching me Dark magic, because it certainly didn't seem bad to me. I wasn't hurting anyone, or making anyone do things.

Bella pursed her lips and told me that she was teaching me a more uncommon brand of magic, and that many people didn't understand it and were therefore afraid of it and prejudiced against it. She said that in Gryffindor, you probably heard about it from those who were prejudiced.

"There's a certain great man I am privileged to know," she told me, "who once said to me, 'Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, and spite spawns lies.'"

It makes sense, doesn't it? Those who don't understand how to achieve greatness through it are envious, and the lie about the magic, making it seem worse than it is.

You're being silly, and paranoid. There's nothing to worry about.

I've gotten off-track, though, haven't I? I don't mean to be talking about "Dark" magic. I was talking about you, and — well — I don't know. You.

It's just, there's a rift between us. I mean, I'm not as mad now, in July, as I was in the winter. You and I are getting along fine. It's just that we don't know each other like we used to. Our paths have diverged, so to speak.

See, I know that come September, I'll be Sorted into Slytherin. I know you don't know it, but I do. I know you don't want it, that you keep trying to convince yourself and me that I'll end up in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff. But I don't see anything wrong with Slytherin. I want to be Sorted there, and I know I will. I even asked Phineas Nigellus, and he assured me that I looked like a Slytherin to him — and Phineas never lies to make people feel better. I'll be a Slytherin, and you'll be disappointed and probably angry. I don't know whether tha'll be the thing to finalize the rift between us, but I know it will be finalized. It's not that I won't miss you. I will. I do already. But I'm kind of — beyond that. It's not that I don't care. It's that there are other things I care about more, and I know that when it comes to what I value, you won't win out in the end.

I suppose I'd better burn this letter before you come in and find it, hadn't I?

—Regulus

---

Brother Mine —

Today we went to Diagon Alley for our school stuff. You were so happy — chattering on and on about Hogwarts and how much I'll like it. You deliberately avoided mentioning the Houses.

Everything was going fine — great, in fact — until it was time to buy robes. You didn't need new ones, so you were standing around while Mr. Twilfitt pinned mine for me and Mother was off somewhere else in the shop.

Twilfitt was nearly done when Mother came back. She said, "Here, Regulus, I've gotten you a Slytherin scarf," holding it out to me.

You cleared your throat. "Mother, wouldn't it make more sense to wait until he's been Sorted, and mail him the appropriate scarf?"

Mother looked angrily at you, and then turned to me. "It's your choice, Regulus."

I looked at you, then back at her. "I'll take the scarf now, Mother. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

Later, when we were alone, you told me I should stop submitting to her, I should stand up for what I wanted.

That made me blow up. I started yelling at you that maybe that _was_ what I wanted. That just because you're my brother doesn't mean I have to share your opinions on everything. I said that maybe I _would_ be a Slytherin, maybe I _wanted_ to be a Slytherin.

When I was done, you were perfectly silent. Then you asked if I was still studying from That Book, with capital letters that were audible. You hadn't mentioned it all summer.

I didn't answer, I just walked away. But I'll tell you now. Yes, I am. And I don't think it's bad. I'm enjoying it. I _like_ it.

I'm going to like Slytherin, too.

— Regulus

---

Brother Mine —

Well, Bella's engagement party was today — you sure didn't seem happy about coming. Of course, she and Rodolphus aren't getting married until next year, but couldn't you at least _pretend_ to be happy for them? She is family. And no matter what you say, family is important.

She talked to me specially today. With all the people there, she drew me aside and talked to me alone in a little chamber off the hall in Uncle Aldebaran's house.

She asked me if I remembered when she'd told me what a great man she knew had said about envy. I said yes, and quoted it for her: "Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies."

She was pleased to hear I'd remembered it. Then she told me about this man.

His name is Lord Voldemort, she said, but you shouldn't call him that, because his title is 'the Dark Lord'. When I asked why, she told me that it's because he uses Dark magic, and reminded me that Dark didn't mean bad.

Then she told me that he's a really powerful wizard, even more powerful than Albus Dumbledore. She told me that he's found a way to make himself immortal. "He can't share those arcane secrets with us," she added sternly. "But we know that he's done more to ensure his immortality than anyone else in history. We know that he _is_ immortal."

I was impressed, but I didn't know what to say. Finally, I asked, "What do you mean by we?"

She smiled. "His followers. Perhaps when you're older you can be one of us." She explained to me that he's a great man with great ideals, and he wants to implement those ideals. She and Rodolphus have joined him on that quest.

Then she rolled up her sleeve and showed me a tattoo on her left forearm that I'd never seen before. It was a jet black depiction of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth like a tongue. "It's his sign," she told me. "It's called the Dark Mark. All his followers have them now."

"But what does it mean to be his follower?" I asked. "What are his ideals? What's he doing?"

She looked at me for a moment and then said, "There are some secrets I want to tell you, Regulus. But first I need you to take a vow for me. It's called the Unbreakable Vow, and once you've taken it, I know you won't betray us. All right?"

I consented, not entirely sure what she was talking about or why this was so secret. She told me to wait for a moment while she went nad got Rodolphus to be our Bonder, whatever that was.

So I waited, and she was back in a few minutes, with him at her side. She told me to kneel, and I did, as she kneeled across from me. "Now, I'm going to grasp your hand like so —" she did it — "and Rodolphus is going to put his wand up against our clasped hands. Now, I'm just going to ask you one simple question, all right? You just need to say 'I will' in reply."

"All right," I said.

She nodded. "Good." Rodolphus put his wand to our hands, and she asked, "Will you, Regulus, keep the secrets of the Dark Lord and not tell a soul unless I or he himself has given you permission to tell that person?"

"I will," I said (after all, why not?), and a little tongue of fire shot out of Rodolphus's wand and wrapped around our hands. The heat of it was a little uncomfortable, and after a moment it sank into our skin, which hurt. Bella released my hand. Then Rodolphus left, and she explained.

She told me that the Dark Lord's a descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself. Then she asked me if I knew the story of Salazar Slytherin. Of course I did — doesn't everyone? When Hogwarts was founded, Muggles were in the middle of their persecution craze. There were so many of them and so few of us that despite their lack of magic, they still posed an enormous threat. Hogwarts was built as a place to train young witches and wizards away from the threat of Muggles, but the other founders wanted to allow Muggle-borns into the school. It was converse to all logic, and Slytherin said as much — what were the chances that they would not be betrayed, at some point, by one of their protégées? Slytherin quarreled with Gryffindor on the topic, and he was driven from the school.

I told the story for Bella, and she looked proud. "Exactly," she said. "Salazar Slytherin's mission was to protect the wizarding world from Muggles, and that his descendant's mission, as well."

"But Muggles don't know about us anymore."

"Some do, because Dumbledore lets their children come to Hogwarts and hardly imposes any security at all. That's the rest of the problem. Of course, there are more issues with allowing Mudbloods into wizarding society than just security."

"Yeah, I know." I listed some — they don't understand us like those born to our way of life, they haven't grown up in our culture. Letting such people into our midst is a sure way to cause the degradation of wizarding society. Besides that, their blood is so much pure — when they mix with proper wizards, it increases the likelihood of squibs.

Bella nodded, approving of my recital. Then she told me that the Dark Lord's trying to do something about it. He aims to purge our society of Mudbloods.

I asked how, but she smiled and told me we'd had enough secrets for the night, and my family was probably looking for me.

So now I'm sitting in my room at home and writing all this down. The Unbreakable Vow is a funny thing — I think it knows no one will read this, although I do get a bit of a funny twinge as I write. Then again, I'm not sure how it keeps you from breaking it. I think I _could_ — I don't think my throat would close up or anything — but I have this feeling of intense dread at the very thought of breaking it. I don't think I ever will, simply because I can't stand the idea. It's a strange feeling. A _very_ strange feeling.

— Regulus

---

Brother Mine —

Well, the Sorting was today, and you know now, just like I always did.

I'm a Slytherin, through and through. The hat didn't even pause when I put it on, just yelled it out. Cissy and Andi are both proud, although I don't think either is as proud as Bella. I just got a letter from her a few minutes ago. I don't know how she found out so fast.

My dorm is pretty good. There's Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus's brother, and Evan Rosier, and Gordon Goyle, and this weird shy little kid named Francis Branstone. Apparently his family's been in Hufflepuff for ages. Bella says not to bother with him.

She told me stuff about each of my dormmates, you know. She thinks I should befriend Rabastan, of course. Apparently, his brother recommends him highly. He seems pretty quiet, but dangerous. When Rosier and Goyle got into a fight, he just stepped in, grabbed Rosier's shoulder with one hand, and dug his fingers into this spot in his neck with the other, and Rosier went rigid and stopped trying to fight. Later on, when he'd gotten them both to agree not to fight ("we're in the same dorm; we've got to stand together"), he showed us all how to do it. Apparently, their are several spots you can do that with; they're called pressure points. He says he learned it from Rodolphus.

Rosier's interesting. He's from a pure-blood family, but they haven't got much money or social standing. He's got a wicked sense of humor and a really quick temper — when Goyle said something snide about his family, he replied by launching himself at the kid and was actually beating him up, for all that he's twice his size, before Rabastan stepped in. Bella says he's an unknown quantity, and that I should keep an eye on him.

Goyle's not too smart, but his loyalty could certainly be useful for intimidating or beating up various people. Bella recommends that I try to get him loyal to me, but otherwise I shouldn't bother.

She also says not to tell anyone what I know about the Dark Lord, or to let on I've been studying the basics of Dark magic.

It's getting late, and I'm tired. I'm off to bed.

— Regulus

P.S. I haven't seen you since the Sorting.

I'm not sure what'll happen when I do.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, I finished this today and I've been working on and off to get it typed up. Hope you like it. I intentionally had Bella leave out a fair bit when explaining things to Regulus; he'll find more out later. And he's going to realize what an Unbreakable Vow does, too. Anyway, I might have another chapter written when I get back from the Adirondacks next Thursday. For the time being, please review — I'll be eternally grateful. 


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